I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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