fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
