Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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