Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I am naked and annoyed.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
