I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize