And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
