dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
