I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize