If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
