if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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