Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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