It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
