Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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