That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
