The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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