question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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