I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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