...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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