Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
