Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
