We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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