you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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