I got her a Nickelback box set.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
