I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
