I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
