why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
