i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We're not piercing ourselves today.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
