God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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