i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
