Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
