Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
