mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
