I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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