If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
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