But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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