i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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