Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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