This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
