If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
