Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
