I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
