i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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