Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
