I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Drunk is a universal language darling
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
