As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
