She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
