or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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