dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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