We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
