we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
