Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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