I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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