we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Dick very happy bro
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
