there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
