I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I need water and some morals
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
