Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
