I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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