Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
