Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
