wrigley field is MILF paradise
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
