i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
