i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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