Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize