I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
