you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
